Day 10

I would not like a pool full of pudding.

I've heard people say that they'd like one.

My question is why?

Pudding is kind of gross.

You couldn't swim in it.

I see it as chocolate-y pit of quicksand.

It's all fun and tasty until you sink to your death.

Chocolate pudding fills your lungs until you suffocate.

It's quite sad really.

You loved it so much, and it kills you in the end.

Same with jello.

Actually jello would be kind of fun.

Okay, give me a pool of jello.

Alright, as I was writing earlier. I was trying to type "tasty," and it came out as "tastey."

You know why?

FERGIE.

Girl taught me how to spell delicious and glamorous, but when it came to tasty, she steered me wrong.

T to the A to the S-T-E-Y.

WRONG.

I feel so lied to.

It makes me wonder if that's how she actually spells tasty, or she's just stupid.

I'll leave that up for you to decide.

Okay. I typed "scary" into Google images, and this was a picture that came up.

But really, do you find this scary?

I find it vaguely seductive.

Look at that smile.

To me it says, "Come and getcha some."

Which, granted, is a little creepy.

But that's Heath Ledger under there.

Do you really care?

I don't.

Well, I do now that he's dead.

But if he was alive, try and stop me.

Just saying.

And on that slightly necrophiliac note, I bid you adieu.  

P.S. Because I never mention Shelby, here you go Shelby. A picture of a fat baby.

Day 9 Part 2

I don't know why, but I find this creepy and hilarious at the same time.

HELLO, MRS. JENSEN!

Day 9

Pet Sematary is on.
Which gets me thinking.
Who in their right mind would bury something in the Pet Sematary?
Are they stupid?
Obviously if something is dead, it needs to stay dead.

Dude, this movie is scaring the shit out of me.
Holy mother of God.
Why am I watching this alone?
I can't turn it off.
Movies don't usually scare me but this one part just freaked me out.
I'll see if I can find it clip of it, so you can experience the horror.

Btw, her name is Rachel.
Uh oh, Rachel Rose. Have fun with this.

Does this not make you want to crawl in a corner and cry?
Oh gosh.

Pet Sematary is still on.
WTF.
This movie is messed up.
Kid is holding a scalpel.
He just stabbed his mom.
And I'm talking like two year old kid.
Stephen King has a warped mind.
It's a good thing I'm going to class soon.
Else they would find me under my desk, in the fetal position, crying for my momma.
Goodness.

As I was saying earlier, if I find a cemetery that can bring things back from the dead, NO WAY IN HELL am I burying anything in there.
Have you ever heard of any zombie stories turning out well?
I haven't.
If I see a zombie, I'm hitting that sucker in the head with a shovel and running like hell.

Anyway, I'm prepared regardless.
My sister and I have a Zombie Apocalypse Plan.
Do you?

P.S. Check out how cute the kid is from Pet Sematary. He's a little creepy, but mostly adorable.
That's what's so awful. He's so cute and evil at the same time!

Day 8

Damn. I skipped a day.
After I told myself I wouldn't.

I need a haircut.

I should probably get some new socks too.
The ones I have now have holes in them, and I can never find their matches.
Rachel's talking to me right now.
She says her H's don't look like H's.
This happens to me sometimes, but only when they are lowercase h's.
Cause when they're lowercase, they look like n's.
Isn't that all lowercase h's really are though? Lowercase n's with a little cowlick sticking up?

I have a test in two hours.
I'm contemplating bleaching my hair, but I can't decide.
I keep going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth...
I wouldn't keep it bleached. I would dye it red again, but it would be brighter.
I can't decide.

I love scary movies.
Almost all.
I could just sit and watch them all for hours.
I hate disaster movies though. Like natural disasters? Blech.
Those are just depressing.
Though now that I think of it, Rachel and I just watched Saw II and that was pretty depressing.
But it's a different kind of depressing, in my opinion. A less depressing kind of depressing.

I want to put a happy picture on here.
I'm going to go search for one.

Is this not hilarious?
I seriously lol-ed.
Out loud.
I rofl-ed all over the floor.


Well.
I have to go to class.
{insert emo face}

Day 6

Just so I can say I didn't skip a day.

KEEP YO PIMP HAND STRONG.

Day 5

I found probably the cutest thing.
Better than the puppy.
Better than a human baby.

How adorable is this?

Don't you want to adopt it and make it your child?

And dress it up in little baby turtle clothes?

And feed it little mashed up bugs?

No?

Is that just me?

Okay.

Nevermind.






Kelsey stayed with me last night.
She says I make weird noises in my sleep.
I said, "Sex noises?"
She said, "Yeah."
Uh oh.
It's not true. She's a weirdo and likes to lie.
Actually she doesn't, but let's just pretend she does.

Day 4 Part 2

Urbandictionary.com Definition of a Rachel:

Some kind of sub-par hooker who can be a real biatch. Needs to be less "skank-tacular" and stop her incessant whoring.


So true.

Day 4

I'm eating a chocolate chip bagel right now, and it is delicious.
I'm also drinking Diet Coke out of its two-liter bottle.
Rachel is sticking stuff in her backpack.
She doesn't know I'm watching her right now.
She just put pencils in a pouch.
She just zipped her backpack.
I'm still staring at her.
She's twirling her hair right now.
Still doesn't see me staring at her .
I'm going to keep staring still she says something.
She's talking to me now but still hasn't said anything about me staring.
I'm going to freak her out.
She just noticed me staring.
She knows that I'm writing about her.
She knows I've been staring at her for a while now and that I've been writing about it.
Uh oh.


Just finished my two-liter.
Out of Diet Coke now.
{insert sad face}


I like tattoos.
I like boys with tattoos.


So last week, I had another great idea.
Inflatable bras.
This way you could get the cup-size you want instantly, without having to buy different padded push-up bras. So, if one day, I was feeling like I wanted to be a B-cup, all I have to do is get out my bike pump and inflate that bad boy up. Or say, the next day, I'm feeling DD,
*pump pump pump* and voilà, I'm regular Playboy Bunny.

Do they already make these? Cause I'm sure I'm not the first to think of it. I'm going to check.

Yes, they do. The sad thing is that this bra is my size... I guess us 34A's need the most help...
{insert depressed face}

P.S. I'd like to bring to your attention that that bra on ebay is pre-owned...
{insert grossed-out face}

P.P.S They'd make a good flotation device if your were in a capsized boat. Like the Titanic. 

Day 3 Part 2

TOO CUTE.

Day 3

This morning I got out of the shower and my skin was shiny.

Not from water cause it was dry.

And not from my body wash which has sparkles in it.

So I'm not sure, but I may be a vampire.

Just throwing that out there.

Actually, it might be from my body wash. Nevermind.

Not to be emo, but if I had to pick a badass way to die, I'd pick getting trampled in a mosh pit.

Right?

Can't you just see the headlines?

"Chick Gets Stomped to a Bloody Pulp in a Wall of Death"

Check this. I'd be that dude in the middle.

 Hell to the yeah.

That's a way to go out. I'd be a future warning to the moshers of the world.

"Dude, have fun at the Asking Alexandria concert. Don't die in a mosh pit like that girl."

INFAMY. 

I mean, of course, if I had a real choice, I'd die peacefully in my sleep. But whatevs. Where's the fun in that?

Alright.

I just got a dictionary from Shelby.

I'm going to describe some people by randomly selecting words. 

It's like a vocabulary lesson only FUNNER.

Shall we begin, class?

Shelby is a wigeon.

      wigeon: any of several medium-sized freshwater ducks

Rachel likes to listen to zydeco.

      zydeco: popular music of southern Louisiana that combines tunes of French

      origin with elements of Caribbean music and the blues

Annie loves fallopian tubes.

        fallopian tube: either of the pair of anatomical tubes that carry the eggs

        from the ovary to the uterus

Greg practices necrophilia.

      necrophilia: erotic attraction to or sexual contact with corpses

Lisa is a whore.

        whore: a woman who practices unlawful sexual commerce; prostitute 

I've got to study for my Stats exam now. I'll leave you with these parting words:

Tennessee is ranked 6th in the nation for the most Syphilis cases. 

Day 2

So last night I had a dream, and I think I could market this for a bunch of money.
Ready for it?
Tupperware coffins.
Right?
You get that sealed in freshness that only Tupperware can provide. The lid just snaps into place, and any time you're like, "Hey, I'd like to look at that dead body," you can just pop it back off. It's pretty ingenious, in my opinion. I'm not sure how well it will hold up against that rotting corpse smell that is sure to set in, but hey, every good plan has its drawbacks. I'm just the idea-person. I'll leave it up to the scientists to get this up and running.

I won't go further into detail about said dream though. Otherwise you might be disturbed and think less highly of me.

I'm not sure what my favorite flower is. I think it's roses, but everyone says that. It's not very original. Maybe I should find the most obscure plant in world and claim it as my favorite flower. I'll do that now.

Okay. Got it.
The Rafflesia.
It's an endangered species no less.

Now that's a flower. 
Alright, boys. Forget the roses, fly to Indonesia and pick me up a couple of these babies.
Apparently, it's also called a corpse flower because it looks and smells like rotting meat. Romantic, right?








I wish I could have a pet lemur. That would be fun. A baby pet lemur. You know the ring-tailed ones, like from Zoboomafoo. If the Kraft brothers get to play with lemurs, I should too. I would walk it around on a little harness leash. I'd feed it fruit or whatever its eat. Idk. I'd dress it up in the little organ grinder monkey suit, and people would be like, "What a cute little monkey." And I'd be all," Are you blind? This is a lemur." 
Ah. If only.


I'd also take a cheetah. To ride.

Day 1

I decided to start a blog. 
Shelby's talking about copper.
I'd like to walk on a roof, but I'd be afraid of falling off. I'm pretty sure that if there was an intruder in my house, I could jump off our roof. Actually, I just remembered that my dad cut down the bushes in front of our house. My plan had always been to jump into those and then run away. Without the bushes I'd probably break a limb of some sort. Well, there goes that plan. Oh wait, I remembered the azalea bushes at the other side of the house. Those would totally work. Okay, the plan is back. If someone breaks into our house, I would lock myself in my bedroom, crawl out the window...oh dang. I forgot about the giant spider that lives outside my window. It's huge, and I'm pretty sure it just had babies. That's like three hundred babies and a momma spider in my hair. Disgusting. I guess I could throw a pillow at them or something. Alright, yeah. Plan back in motion...again.


Shelby said the Ying Yang Twins are coming to the Valarium for the sororities and frats. I'm just imagining "The Whisper Song" and cringing at the humongo amounts of sex that will be going down that night. At least, I assume that's what sororities and frats do. Have sex all the time. Right? IDK. Actually, IDC. 


I plan to wait until I'm married to have sex. I think. That's the plan for now. 


I'm hungry. Shelby says she's not. Rachel says she is. I could eat an entire baby blue whale right now. There's a rumbly in my tumbly that needs to be satisfied. I'd like steak. Mmm. Steak. Or shrimp. ILOVESHRIMP. I can eat shrimp until I literally throw up. Then I'd probably eat more because my stomach would be empty. I think that's called bulimia. Oh well.


Rachel thinks I'm writing too much. Rachel thinks I'm mean for saying everyday is National "Be a Creeper" Day for her. Hehehe.


If my stomach could come alive right now and say something, it would say,"GRRRRRRRAAWWR. I'm going to eat you, starting with your pinkie toe and moving up."


On that note. Good bye.