March 11

I knew it.
Zombies are real.
Scientists in Brazil have found zombie ants.
ZOMBIE ANTS.
Okay.
They don't exactly come back from the dead or anything, so I'm not sure that zombie is the most appropriate term.
But.
This fungus infects these ants and takes over their brain.
They control the ants' bodies, make them find an ideal spot, and kill the ants, using them as nourishment to sprout stalks out through their heads.
So maybe the scientists are coming at this through the voodoo zombie angle.
The fungus is like the voodoo priestess, forcing the zombie to do her bidding.
That seems more fitting.

Anyway.
Just thought I'd share this information.
Here's a picture of a poor zombie ant:



See that white thing on his head?
That's the fungus stalk growing out of his brain.

Who wants mushrooms for dinner?

Peace.

P.S. Pray for Japan.

March 7

Hello.
Haven't posted in a while.
Thought I'd do a quickie.
{that's what she said}
I was pondering what to talk about.
You don't even know how close I was to posting baby orangutan pictures.
But, I have refrained...for now.

Rachel and I played a game of HO just a few minutes ago.
And before you jumped to conclusions, it's none of that.
We got a basketball hoop for our room.
And surprise, surprise, neither of us star athletes were able to get a basket with any kind of accuracy.
So a game of simple HORSE would likely take four and half hours.
Thus, HO was born.
To cut things short, we played twice. I won. Rachel lost.
Rachel = 2x Ho

I've decided I'm going to practice screaming.
Not there-is-an-ax-murderer-in-my-shower screaming.
Screaming for a band.
But, just in case it sounds like there's a murderer after me, I have to wait until I'm alone. And at home.
Even if Rachel's gone from the dorm, the walls are pretty thin.
Our neighbors would likely alert the RA of a dying mongoose next door.
Only, they would find me with the remote control in my hand, rocking out to The Devil Wears Prada (the band, not the movie).
So.
When I get home, and no one is there, the remote is coming out.
I feel like I could do it.
Maybe.
Or tear up my vocal chords.
One or the other really.
We'll just see.
I'll let you know how it goes.

Annie just told us that Yellowstone National Park is a "pleasuring ground for the benefit and enjoyment of the people."
Wtf.
Remind me never to visit Yellowstone.
Any place described as a "pleasuring ground" is off my list of va-cay destinations.
Who knew Wyoming was so kinky?

Anyway.
I'm outtie.

March 3

POOP.

February 2

Happy Groundhog Day!
Groundhogs are cute.
One time I saw one up in a tree.
No one believed me though.
But just so you know, they can climb trees.
Crazy little land-beavers.



If I had a groundhog...
I would:
eat it
make it climb a tree
feed it Blowpops
name it Luthor.

Wouldn't that be a cute name for a groundhog?
I think so.
I'd put him on a leash and drag walk him around.

Except, I don't really want a one.
They look too much like beavers.
So when I took him out on his walks, people would make snide jokes about Lauren and her beaver.
And really, I can't take that kind of teasing.
*sniffle*

Anyway.
Let's just say groundhogs are off the list of pets.
My pet crow still on though!
Can't wait to get non-stuffed animal Ronnie!

Sayonara.

February 1

I love Hugs.
Not the physical kind.
The chocolate kind.
I could live off the Hershey Hugs.
Forever.
I wish I could melt down 10 million Hugs for a warm chocolaty pool.
I'd swim in it.
I'd eat it.
It would be wonderful.

If I could be any animal, I would be a golden lion tamarin.
Their primary mating system is polyandry.
Know what that means?
Here's the official definition:
 "Groups in which two or more males mate with a single female during a single breeding season and collaborate to raise her offspring."
Know what this means to me?
IT'S RAINING MEN. HALLELUJAH IT'S RAINING MEN. YEAH!
The males would even help raise my babies.
Hellz yeah!
Plus, check out what they look like:



Look at that red hair.
If the Hindus are right about reincarnation, put me down as one of these guys in my next go around.

Lauren out.

January 31

I skipped more days.
Shizz.
That's my b.

I bought a Cosmo magazine today.
Let's just say I now know 75 Very Naughty Moves to Try on a Man.
Yeah, guys.
So, watch yourselves.

Shall I find a picture that accompanies this topic?
No?
Fine.


That's pretty much all I have to say for today then.

Good night,
and big balls.
(A Wipeout reference, not pertaining in any way to Cosmo. Mostly.)

January 28

Well.
It seems like I can't keep up a blog.
The same thing happens when I try to keep a diary too.
I always skip days...or in this case months.
But we shall not dwell on the matter.

What am I thinking about right now?

Hot guys.
Six-pack abs.
Oli Sykes.
Jared Padalecki's ass.


Okay.
Let's try this again.
What am I thinking about?

Tennis balls.
I'd kind of like to cut one open right now.
Then fill it up with something like jelly.
Don't ask me why.
These are just the thoughts that flit through my brain.

I'm wearing polka dot underwear right now.
They're red.

If I could change anything about myself, I would make my hands a centimeter smaller.
I think they would look more dainty that way.

I'm kind of cold.
I would hate to be a polar bear.
They have to spend so much time in the cold.
If I were a polar bear, I would swim to Hawaii.
I bet it's warm in Hawaii right now.

I need a sweater.
I'm going to put on a sweater.

So I just asked Rachel what I should talk about.
She first told me to talk about what a freak I am.
Psh.
Freak.
As if.
Then she told me to tell you how I dyed my hair a borderline obscene hair color (fiery orange with blonde streaks).
But I don't really want to discuss how some guy told me it was beautiful.
Yeah, I won't talk about how many compliments I've gotten about it.
Finally, she told me to discuss the various hot guys I've come across while at college.
(And here I thought I wasn't going to talk about hot guys. Oops.)

So, their names go as followed:

1. Dining Hall Dean
2. Smoking Hot Lip Ring Boy
3. Big Hair Dude
4. Skater Boy
5. Abnormal Guy
6. Beanie Boy

They all are painful cute (some exclusions applied: skater boy).

Dining Hall Dean has to be my favorite though!

I can't convey to you how hot he is.

In second place, we have a three-way tie between Lip Ring, Abnormal, and Beanie.

They all have a similar skater-ish style.

I don't really know how to describe it.

Suffice to say that they all are rocking it.

I won't really talk about the others because they just barely made it onto the list.

So be happy that I posted more.

I'll try to keep up from now on...maybe.

Peace.